Worth A Fight?

Feeding on demand? Feeding on a schedule? Co-sleeping? Crying it out? Infant potty training?

These are some of the things parents of infants consider when deciding on how they are going to parent their infants. Going into parenting the first time, I knew that there were many different methods to choose from, and different interpretations of those methods. What I didn't realize until recently is that there are some serious hard feelings and anger flowing from certain people toward those practicing differing parenting styles.

Raising children is confusing. At least it is for me. I like to read and research before doing things, and in my research on parenting I came across a ton of information. There are so many parenting "experts" out there, and they all seem to say something different. Even among Christians there are differences of opinions on the best way to raise an infant.

One of the biggest controversies that I have seen has to do with infant feeding. With my firstborn, I tried to nurse him every time he cried. I would nurse him until he fell asleep, and then he would wake up about 45 minutes later and I would nurse him again. He would fall asleep nursing again, and then 30 minutes later wake up, etc. This went on for a while, and honestly, I was convinced I was never going to have another baby. I know it was a selfish thought, but I didn't know how I would cope on being able to sleep only 45 minutes at a time. I didn't know what to do. Then I discovered a book called "On Becoming Babywise." I read the book and started to try out the method in the book. And it was amazing! Within a week or so, my son was going two hours between feedings, then 2 and a half hours, and then three hours; and taking real naps. He was sleeping several hours at a time at night, and very soon he was sleeping through the night.

I know now that "Babywise" is a highly controversial subject among parents and doctors. I was shocked when I started reading reports of babies failing to thrive because they followed the book. I really don't understand it, because I have read the book several times, and the book clearly states in at least a few places that you should never ignore hunger cues. What that means is that if your baby is hungry before the scheduled time, feed him. The schedule they recommend is not meant to be followed above all else--it is a guideline to help a baby regulate his hunger cycles. If someone ignores their baby's hunger signals and refuses to feed him until the scheduled time, and the baby loses weight because of it, I don't understand how the book can be blamed.

Any method of parenting can be taken out-of-context or taken too far, but that doesn't mean the method itself isn't helpful or valid. For example, there are a lot of parents who believe it is best for a baby to be "worn" in a sling for many hours a day. People have written books and articles advising this, suggesting that it will calm and soothe the baby and help the baby cry less. Well, someone could interpret that to mean that a baby should be worn at all times, even while cooking or fixing a fire on a wood stove. The infant could be burned, and the parent could blame the author of the book or website. A parent's ignorance or misuse of a certain method really shouldn't be blamed on the method itself. Read with discretion, and trust your instincts. If you are uncomfortable with a certain method of doing something, you probably shouldn't do it.

I don't know, personally, about the theology of the authors of the Babywise books. I only know that the method in the books worked for me. My point is that there are differences in parenting styles, and attacking other people for raising their children in a way that is different from you doesn't help. Don't tell someone that they shouldn't be a parent--share your wisdom and experience, and allow others to do the same.

Review Time! Reading Eggs.

I recently discovered the opportunity to review a website in exchange for getting a 3-month free subscription. It is an exciting website called Reading Eggs. I came across this opportunity on a website entitled "The Homeschool Lounge," which I absolutely love. But this review is not about that. I'll save that for a separate post.

Reading Eggs is an online "teach your kids to read" site for children ages 3-13. I was excited to be able to try this since I have three kids in that age category. I was especially excited for Noah, my 3-year-old, to try it. And try it he did. He loves the site and wants to do it for hours every day. And I have to say that I love the site, too. In the month he has been using it, he has (honestly) learned how to read. The site really works!

To be honest, he was close to reading before we tried Reading Eggs. He has known his letter names and sounds since before he turned 3. I haven't had the time to sit down with him to help him to learn how to sound out words, though, and since he is so young, I wasn't in a hurry to. The great thing about Reading Eggs is that it has a placement test for the child to do before being assigned a level to start. Noah started at map 1, the first level, but quickly flew through the lessons.

Reading Eggs works so well because not only is it educational, it is also fun. The child earns "eggs" by doing the lessons and reading the books at the end of the lesson. The eggs can be cashed in to play fun games, add fun accessories to the child's avatar, or to purchase furniture for the avatar's "house." When Noah runs out of eggs to do the "fun" stuff, he says, "Oh, I betta do mo' lessons so I can get mo' eggs!" This keeps him motivated to do the more educated parts of the website.

I also love the fact that this website uses a phonics-based method of teaching to read, which I personally think is very important.

My two older children love this site, too. Thane is 7 and Adrianna is 6, and both are good readers. The second level of the site, called "Reading Express," has more advanced lessons which involve spelling, grammar, and reading comprehension. It also has more advanced books for the children to read to earn their eggs. My older kids enjoy both the Reading Eggs and Reading Express sections of the site, and I love that they are practicing and improving their reading skills.

Another great thing about the site is that they do progress reports to show the parents what the child has accomplished. It also shows the child's "reading age" and "comprehension age" based on the lessons they complete. Noah, so far, is at a 4.75 reading age and has learned 37 phonic skills. And he knows 4 sight words. He has learned to sound out the "at" words (cat, sat, hat, fat, etc.), "am" words (Sam, am, ham) and can recognize which word is which in simple sentences. At he is only 3.

Overall, I think this is fun, educational, and worthwhile website. I am particular about what my children spend time online doing, and this site is one I don't mind them spending time on. There is a fee for purchasing a subscription, but it is pretty reasonable. Definitely worth it if you are able to spend money on a preschool reading curriculum. One word of caution, though: for those parents who are strict about the beat of music they are comfortable with, there may be a few songs that have a bit of a "rock and roll" feel to them. Other than that, this is a site that I highly recommend to help your children learn to read and improve their reading skills.

"Being the richest man in the cemetery doesn’t matter to me … Going to bed at night saying we’ve done something wonderful… that’s what matters to me." -Steve Jobs

Steve Jobs, the wildly-successful genius behind the wildly-successful Apple company, passed away this week. According to the above statement, which he made back in 1993, his goal wasn't to be the richest man in the cemetery when he died. He wanted to "do something wonderful," make a difference. And I commend him on that. He certainly was successful, at least in the eyes of the world. But I have to wonder, how much of that success counted for eternity?

I'm not trying to minimize the things Steve Jobs accomplished during his life. And I admire the fact that money was not his main objective. But then I think of the missionaries who spend their lives with poor people, living in poverty themselves, to spread the truth of the love of Jesus and the importance of eternity. Or of people who work dangerous jobs, who put themselves at risk for their country or fellow man, so that someone else might have a chance to discover the importance of eternity. Or the single mothers who work two jobs and never go out, but spend their (limited) free time teaching their children to love Jesus and others. These are people who will not be famous. Millions of people will not be informed when they die, and their accomplishments will not be published on Wikipedia. They certainly will not be the richest people in the cemetery.

But they surely will be among he richest people in eternity.

As author and speaker Randy Alcorn says, life is a dot. It starts, it ends. Eternity is an unending line extending from that dot. We should be living for the line.

Being the richest person in the cemetery shouldn't matter. But I hope I'm among the richest people in eternity.

"Trust, Hope, Pray" by Luke and Trisha Priebe

Waiting. Few things are harder than waiting. For me, the hardest things for me to wait for was my wedding and later, at the end of my pregnancies, for the birth of my babies.

My friends Luke and Trisha know about waiting. They have been waiting for over two years to bring home their son from Thailand. Every time I think of that, I remember waiting the nine months (or less) for my babies, and I can't even imagine having to wait two years or more!

As they started their adoption journey, they noticed that there were not many good, new resources on learning how to wait. So they wrote the book, "Trust, Hope, Pray: Encouragement for the Task of Waiting," to encourage others who have faced the challenge of having to wait.

I have not read the book yet. Ironically, I have been very impatient while waiting to be able to buy this book! Fortunately, today is payday so I can order the book and stop waiting to learn how to wait!

I encourage anyone who has ever had to wait for anything to check out this book. I will try to post a review after I read it. I am excited for many reasons. I love to read, so the idea of reading a new book is always exciting. I am excited about this book especially, though, because I know Luke and Trisha personally. Trisha is an excellent writer and Luke and Trisha are wonderful, inspiring people.

I also encourage you to check out Trisha's website, www.househoncho.com. It is an excellent website dedicated to helping homemakers show love to their families through caring for their homes.

Maegan Grace

So much has happened in the last several weeks. Many good things, some hard things, but I know I have learned a lot through it all.

We were sent to Salt Lake City at the beginning on June, expecting to have to deliver our baby 6 weeks early. The ultrasound tests indicated a high likelihood that our baby could have anemia from my antibody. When we got there, the tests were better, but they admitted me and gave me steroid shots and monitored me and the baby closely. I was in the hospital as an inpatient for three days, then I had to come in daily for tests for a few more days. We were lucky enough to be able to get into the Ronald McDonald House (which is such a wonderful charity) so the kids were able to be with us. They finally let me go home, but decided I needed to deliver at 37 weeks. I was able to have the baby in Jackson, Wyoming, as planned, which was a blessing. Maegan Grace Daniels was born June 25, 2010, weighing a respectable 6 pounds and 10 ounces. She looked great, and it seemed at first that all was well.

As I lay in the recovery room, eagerly waiting to hold my new daughter, the doctor told me they couldn't bring her to me yet because she was having a little trouble breathing. I wasn't too worried, and I was able to peek in at her as I passed the nursery to get to my room. I was disappointed that I wasn't able to nurse her right away. They told me on Friday night that she would probably be better in the morning. Her x-rays showed some fluid in her lungs, which is not uncommon with babies delivered by C-section. (With vaginal births, the fluid gets squeezed out.) She was still struggling on Saturday, and by Sunday morning she still hadn't improved. They also discovered a small leak in one of her lungs. Finally they decided to transport her to Idaho Falls, Idaho, where they had a NICU with more advanced equipment. They allowed me to go with her, so we were loaded into a small plane and took a 20 minute flight to Idaho Falls. Maegan was in the NICU there for 7 days, and we were lucky to be able to stay with some friends nearby. Our whole family was together, which I am very grateful for. Maegan came home on July 4, and has been doing great since.

The whole experience was almost surreal. Had I allowed myself, I could have been very fearful and concerned. But I wasn't. The hardest thing for me was thinking of my baby struggling to breathe and me not being able to help her. It did bring back memories of my precious Naomi. She, too, had holes in her lungs. Her outcome was very different, and there were times that I was afraid, just for brief moments, that I might lose Maegan, too. But the fear was never that great. Many of the doctors and nurses kept telling me that they couldn't believe how calm I was about everything. I didn't really feel calm, but I was able to share the fact that I knew that God was in control and would take care of things, one way or the other. One thing the experience did for me was to make me thankful that Naomi's suffering wasn't prolonged.

We are thankful to have our healthy baby girl home with us. She is a typical newborn, sleeping more during the day than at night but eating well and growing. I sympathize with parents who have their children in NICU for extended periods of time. I hadn't realized how stressful and tiring that could be. I am determined that I will enjoy the time that she is so small and try not to wish for the time where she will be sleeping through the night and needing to eat less often. I want to enjoy each stage of my children's life and not wish the time away. I am trying to cherish the moment, every moment.

Anti-E Antibody: a science lesson I'd rather not have to learn.

I'm currently 32 weeks pregnant. Up until last week, the pregnancy had been normal and uneventful. I have been more tired than usual, but with three kids running around, that's not too surprising.

A couple weeks ago I went to my appointment to do the glucose tolerance blood test, and I of course expected a normal result. When the doctor called a few days later to discuss my blood test results, I was sure she was going to tell me that I had gestational diabetes. I immediately started to think about having to test my blood sugar and stop eating sugar and, worst of all, stop drinking pop. Turns out, however, that I was negative for diabetes, but they had found an antibody in my blood.

"What does that mean?"

I asked the same thing.

I knew that at the beginning of my pregnancies they always take a bunch of blood and run tests on it, but I really didn't know or understand what they are checking for. Turns out that these antibodies are part of what they test for. For those who don't know what that means, let me explain the best I can:

Sometimes, during the birth of a baby, the baby's blood will get mixed with that of the mother. If the baby's blood has proteins that the mother's blood does not, it can cause the mother's blood to develop antibodies against the "foreign" blood protein. It treats that protein like an invader and builds these antibodies to attack the invaders. In rare cases, the blood can somehow mix during the actual pregnancy, which is what happened in my case. My blood tested negative for antibodies at the beginning of the pregnancy, but by the third trimester the E antibody has shown up. Which means that my baby has the E protein, but my blood doesn't. Somehow, some of the baby's blood leaked through the placenta and mixed with mine, causing my blood to build the antibodies against it.

The danger comes if the antibodies cross back over the placenta and attack the baby's blood. This usually doesn't happen, but because it can cause severe anemia in the baby if it does happen, the doctors like to monitor very closely to make sure the baby isn't being harmed. I had a specialized ultrasound last Tuesday and was told that the baby is fine for now, but they want to check again in two weeks. If the antibodies do start to harm the baby, they will either have to deliver the baby early or do a blood transfusion on the baby while she is still in the womb.

My body will always have these antibodies. If I have any more pregnancies in the future, and the babies have the E protein, the same thing can happen to them.

So this is the science lesson I learned this week. Luckily, this E antibody isn't usually a problem, and the doctors are optimistic that the baby will not be harmed. Still, I was much happier when the pregnancy was not labeled a "high-risk" pregnancy and I didn't have this to worry about.

Still, I'm sure things will work out. Those of you who think of it, you could pray for our little girl, that this antibody won't pass over and attack her blood. Pray that the ultrasound next week will show that she is fine, and that they won't have to deliver her early. And please pray that I won't waste much time worrying about things that might be.