Bad parenting

What makes a bad parent? This is a question I sometimes ask myself, especially on days when I feel like I'm a terrible mother. You know, those days where your kids are acting terrible and you know it's because you haven't taught them well. Or on these same days when you finally lose your patience and snap or yell at them in front of the cashier. Or when you forget the kids' coats.

But do these things really make you a bad parent? I hope not, because if so, I really am a terrible mother. If being a "good" parent means you always do the right thing, never lose your patience, or never make parenting mistakes, then I don't think a "good" parent exists.

I have come to the conclusion that the only way you can be a bad parent is if you neglect or abuse your children. (By neglect, I include when parents refuse to train or guide their children in any way. Letting children do whatever they want, whenever they want, is not safe or healthy for them.) That doesn't mean we shouldn't, as parents, be constantly trying to improve our parenting skills. It doesn't mean that there are some choices that are better for our children than others. It just means that if you are trying your best to take care of your children, you are not a bad parent.

No matter what other people might think.

There seems to be a lot of debate about different parenting methods, and sometimes these debates get pretty heated. I understand that the raising of children is an emotional issue. I don't understand or agree with the parents who point fingers at others and label them as "bad parents" because they choose to do things differently than they do.

Are you a bad parent if you let your baby cry? Not necessarily. If you never attend to your baby when he cries, you probably aren't doing your best to take care of him; but if you are teaching him how to fall asleep on his own, for his own good, so he gets sufficient sleep, then you are not a bad parent.

Are you a bad parent if you make your child sleep in his own room? It may seem mean when the child is begging and pleading to stay in your room, but if you are trying to teach your child to be a little independent, for his own good, then you are not a bad parent.

On the other hand, are you a bad parent if you allow your child to sleep in your room until he chooses to move, or if you always rock or nurse your baby to sleep? It might not be how I choose to do things, but that doesn't mean I will label you as a bad parent. If you are giving your child shelter, food, direction, and lots of love; then who am I to tell you that you are doing things wrong?

As a Christian parent, I try to do things in a way that pleases God. Unfortunately, there is little in the Bible that tells us exactly how to handle the day-to-day issues that come up. The best we can do is to apply the biblical principles the best we can. Something that works for one family may not work for another family. We should be willing to help others and give advice, and to share what works for us. But when we point fingers and label others as "bad" because they don't parent as we do, we are not showing them the love of Christ.