Gossiper--The Subtle Bully

There's a lot of talk about bullying these days. The media, the government, the schools--everyone is trying to find a way to cut back on bullying. And with good reason. We have all probably read the articles about the tragic suicides that happen around the country as a result of being bullied. I remember my years in public school. I had it a lot better than some, but there were times I was picked on. This happened mostly in middle school, which seems to be the time in life where sweet, normal children suddenly morph into something horrible. I remember the feelings that being bullied brought on: hopelessness, rejection, unworthiness--and I remember at times just wishing time could speed up and I could be an adult. Because everyone knows that adults don't bully.

I have since learned, however, that bullying does exist in the adult world. Just like for kids, it happens at our meetings, on the playground, on the Internet, and even in our churches. It mostly goes by the innocuous name of "gossip," but really it's just a more subtle way of bullying.

Bullying, as defined on stopbullying.gov, is "aggressive behavior...that involves a real or perceived power imbalance." I thought that was also a great definition of gossip. In fact, gossip is included on the website as being part of "social bullying" or "relational bullying." It includes things such as spreading rumors about someone, telling people not to be friends with someone, or purposely embarrassing someone in front of others.

I never wanted to be a bully. Even when I was in middle school, I really tried not to be a part of making fun of others. Not that I didn't occasionally laugh at someone's expense or make a quip or two to try to be popular, but I didn't want to be considered a bully.

But as an adult, I have been guilty of being a "social bully" by participating in gossip. Of course, at the time, I didn't consider it gossiping. I certainly didn't consider it bullying. But looking back, I realize that it was exactly what I was doing.

When I was gossiping, I was setting a "perceived power imbalance." I was talking about someone else while thinking I was better than them. My discussion of other people's faults (or "perceived" faults) somehow made me think higher of myself. Maybe I could forget my own faults, for a little while, if I was focusing on someone else.

When I was listening to gossip, I would think, "Thank goodness I'm not like that." Again, a perceived imbalance of power. Which is really another word for pride. Which is a sin. So, I have to come to the conclusion that...(wait for it)...gossip is a sin. (GASP)

I know, I know, it's obvious, right? But for so many years I refused to see it how it is. How it grieves God. No matter what you call it, when you are talking about one person's faults to other people, no matter what you think your motives are, you are sinning. And I'm talking to myself here. I was in the wrong. I have repented, and I know I'm forgiven. I am sorry for the times I have gossiped, and I am sorry for the times I have listened to gossip. I know I will do it again, although I'm trying not to. The hard thing about gossip is that it's a habit, and it's hard to stop. It becomes so much a part of life that you are immune to it. I honestly think we are oblivious to it much of the time. I'm honestly not trying to point fingers at anyone (except myself). I wish I had been aware of it so much sooner. Now, when I'm talking about someone else to anyone else, I try to pay attention to what I'm saying, so it doesn't turn into gossip.

Ephesians 4:29 states, " Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." I'm pretty sure gossip is "corrupt communication," and it certainly doesn't minister grace or edify. Let's open our eyes and ears to the truth, and let's not be adult bullies.