Worth A Fight?

Feeding on demand? Feeding on a schedule? Co-sleeping? Crying it out? Infant potty training?

These are some of the things parents of infants consider when deciding on how they are going to parent their infants. Going into parenting the first time, I knew that there were many different methods to choose from, and different interpretations of those methods. What I didn't realize until recently is that there are some serious hard feelings and anger flowing from certain people toward those practicing differing parenting styles.

Raising children is confusing. At least it is for me. I like to read and research before doing things, and in my research on parenting I came across a ton of information. There are so many parenting "experts" out there, and they all seem to say something different. Even among Christians there are differences of opinions on the best way to raise an infant.

One of the biggest controversies that I have seen has to do with infant feeding. With my firstborn, I tried to nurse him every time he cried. I would nurse him until he fell asleep, and then he would wake up about 45 minutes later and I would nurse him again. He would fall asleep nursing again, and then 30 minutes later wake up, etc. This went on for a while, and honestly, I was convinced I was never going to have another baby. I know it was a selfish thought, but I didn't know how I would cope on being able to sleep only 45 minutes at a time. I didn't know what to do. Then I discovered a book called "On Becoming Babywise." I read the book and started to try out the method in the book. And it was amazing! Within a week or so, my son was going two hours between feedings, then 2 and a half hours, and then three hours; and taking real naps. He was sleeping several hours at a time at night, and very soon he was sleeping through the night.

I know now that "Babywise" is a highly controversial subject among parents and doctors. I was shocked when I started reading reports of babies failing to thrive because they followed the book. I really don't understand it, because I have read the book several times, and the book clearly states in at least a few places that you should never ignore hunger cues. What that means is that if your baby is hungry before the scheduled time, feed him. The schedule they recommend is not meant to be followed above all else--it is a guideline to help a baby regulate his hunger cycles. If someone ignores their baby's hunger signals and refuses to feed him until the scheduled time, and the baby loses weight because of it, I don't understand how the book can be blamed.

Any method of parenting can be taken out-of-context or taken too far, but that doesn't mean the method itself isn't helpful or valid. For example, there are a lot of parents who believe it is best for a baby to be "worn" in a sling for many hours a day. People have written books and articles advising this, suggesting that it will calm and soothe the baby and help the baby cry less. Well, someone could interpret that to mean that a baby should be worn at all times, even while cooking or fixing a fire on a wood stove. The infant could be burned, and the parent could blame the author of the book or website. A parent's ignorance or misuse of a certain method really shouldn't be blamed on the method itself. Read with discretion, and trust your instincts. If you are uncomfortable with a certain method of doing something, you probably shouldn't do it.

I don't know, personally, about the theology of the authors of the Babywise books. I only know that the method in the books worked for me. My point is that there are differences in parenting styles, and attacking other people for raising their children in a way that is different from you doesn't help. Don't tell someone that they shouldn't be a parent--share your wisdom and experience, and allow others to do the same.